


Nullification

by AppalachianApologies



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: 'cause they're dead, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Hurt Spencer Reid, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Mental Breakdown, Prison, Prison is Really not nice to him, Prison is not nice to him, Random Prisoners - Freeform, Spencer has to go through a lot of trauma in prison and i'm sorry, but like barely barely, just to be clear: Maeve and Gideon are both hallucinations, oh also Death is a character, there's also a bit of suicidal ideation, they're pretty chill considering, you know the fact that they're Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 08:08:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25846354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AppalachianApologies/pseuds/AppalachianApologies
Summary: Prison carves a hole in Spencer's psyche. He's helpless.
Comments: 24
Kudos: 108





	Nullification

**Author's Note:**

> First of all- I'm sorry!!
> 
> Secondly- As the warnings show, there's implied rape, but it's nothing explicit, in fact, it's about as far from explicit as you can get, but just keep the tags in mind. 
> 
> I know this is a peculiar writing style, but I was attempting to capture the fractured psyche that Spencer develops in prison, which causes him being an unreliable narrator, even from 3rd pov. 
> 
> Enjoy!

To survive.

Spencer can do that.

Do what?

Oh right. Survive.

_ Help. _

Survive.

Unlike Luis.

Unlike Gideon.

Unlike Maeve, unlike Stephen, unlike the thousands upon millions of victims, unlike the killers on death row and unlike Spencer.

No wait, that one’s not right.

_ Help. _

His journal was taken from him on a day that Spencer couldn’t name.

The door buzzes.

Spencer steps out.

The door buzzes.

Spencer steps in.

They gag him. They beat him. They cut him. They rake their nails across his back going lower, lower, lower-

No.

_ Help. _

The laundry room is death.

The laundry room smells like death, the laundry room tastes like death, the laundry room sounds like death, the laundry room looks like death, the laundry room feels like death.

The laundry room is death.

It’s Spencer’s debut of serial killing.

He’s made a friend in prison. It’s baking soda.

They gag him, beat him, cut him, rake their nails across his back and still go lower until they reach-

No.

Shaw moves his pawn to G6.

They don’t die.

They reach the infirmary first. Spencer knows that he should be glad.

_ Help. _

He folds the towels, he folds the jumpsuits, he folds the white shirts, and he folds Death’s black robes.

They gag, beat, cut, and rake their nails down his back and up his legs-

No.

The group counselor told him to journal.

The door buzzes.

Another tally mark.

Did he miss yesterday’s? What about the day before?

_ Help. _

He has a visitor.

They have a scythe, and they’re only here to pick up their laundry.

Spencer gives it to them. In payment, Death gives him the blood of Luis. They tell him that it’s best fit in his hands.

His hair falls out, and Spencer moves his pawn to B5.

They gag him.

They don’t beat him this time, they don’t cut him this time, instead they-

No.

Doesn’t he know what they do to Feds in prison?

Yes.

No.

Yes.

_ Help. _

His nails are brittle, and he adds another tally mark.

His counselor told him to journal.

It’s a contraband.

The door buzzes, and he has a familiar visitor. It’s a dead man.

The things he has to do to survive. 

Spencer doesn’t sleep for the entire night, but he still can’t wake up in the morning.

The door buzzes.

He can’t make a tally mark today. The tallies count the days that Spencer’s survived prison. That is not today.

Someone manhandles him to the breakfast line.

_ Help. _

A hand snakes it’s way over his chest-

No.

There is no appetite today.

Today, Shaw doesn’t move his pawn. Gideon does.

Luis visits him and asks if he can have his blood back. Gideon laughs and tells him that Spencer won’t ever give him his blood back.

After all, he’d know.

Death graces him during visiting hours, and the guard barks out that there’s no touching.

Death makes an exception, and curls their fingers around his cheek.

Spencer sleeps for thirteen hours the next day, but is awake for all of them.

The next night, Death lays his black cloak on Spencer, knowing that the cold he feels can’t ever be fixed.

_ Help. _

They gag him, they beat him, they cut him, and they rake their nails down his back and up his leg. They make snide comments, and they-

No.

Spencer puts a tablespoon of baking soda in the washing machine.

Death moves his pawn to C4.

Death is not subtle.

But Spencer already knew that. Maeve taught him that. Gideon taught him that. Stephen taught him that.

_ Help. _

The door buzzes, and the counselor tells him to journal.

The rate of malnutrition worldwide is 8.9%. The highest malnourishment rate is in Sub-Saharan Africa at 22%.

They don’t gag him anymore.

They beat him, they cut him, they press gentle fingers-

No.

Death gives him a watch.

It doesn’t work.

Death tells him that it does work, he just isn’t looking at it right.

Approximately 815 million people suffer from malnutrition.

_ Help. _

The door buzzes.

Gideon visits him this time. He’s covered in blood, and tells Spencer that there aren’t any more birds to watch from the cabin patio.

Spencer puts a tablespoon of baking soda in the washing machine.

_ Help. _

They gag him with wicked smiles. They beat him with gentle fingers, they cut him with their tongues, and now they-

No.

The door buzzes.

10.7% of people in the world suffer from chronic malnutrition.

Death won’t play chess with him anymore. Instead they and Gideon have tournaments.

Spencer sleeps for twenty four hours straight, and the entire time he’s wide awake.

They gag him with pleasantries, beat him with soft ministrations, they cut him with broken compliments, and their nails are made of memories full of-

No.

The infirmary nurses force him to eat.

_ Help. _

Gideon brings him a dead bird, just as a cat would. But Spencer doesn’t get it, he already has Gideon’s affection, why would he bring him a bird?

The bird is dead, but her wings still flap.

Spencer puts a tablespoon of baking soda into the washing machine, and folds Death’s robes along with the gray jumpsuits.

_ Help. _

Death asks him to next time wash his robes with cocaine.

The door buzzes, and Spencer greets Luis with open arms.

He has a visitor today.

_ Help. _

He talks with Maeve for hours, even after visitor hours have ended. They talk about Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and headaches. They talk about beautiful eyes and gray brain matter. They talk about love, and they talk about death.

_ Help. _

Maeve’s happy to know that he’s finally met Death.

The door buzzes.

_ Help. _

They gag him with their fingers, they beat him with their words, they cut him with shards of glass, and they pull his hair until-

No.

They stroke their fingers down his side-

No.

They grab-

No.

They press down-

No.

They smile.

Oh.

_ HELP. _

Death tells him that they won the chess tournament against Gideon.

Spencer washes Death’s robes. He takes a tablespoon of baking soda and holds it up to his own lips.

The counselor tells him to journal.

_ Help. _

Soft voices greet Spencer when he sleeps, even though he’s awake the whole time. Louder voices greet Spencer when he’s awake, even though he’s unconscious.

_ Help. _

Death asks for the watch back.

_ Help. _

Maeve tells him that someone else is going to start visiting him instead.

_ Help. _

The door buzzes, but this time it’s only Spencer’s.

_ Help. _

Spencer weighs less than JJ when he sees her.

Wait.

He’s.

Wait.

JJ? JJ.

Did he survive? He wasn’t supposed to.

By all accounts, he wasn’t supposed to survive.

He shouldn’t be living.

_ He shouldn’t be living. _

JJ holds him tight, and he sinks to the floor.

Don’t leave, he tells her. Don’t leave.

And she promises she won’t.

Except Spencer wasn’t talking to her.

He’s talking to the figure holding the scythe with the billowing robes, the figure that’s kept him company throughout all of this.

But as Spencer hears the very last buzz,

Death is gone.

_ Help. _

**Author's Note:**

> Aaaaaand that's that! Again, ik this is a strange writing style, but please don't hesitate to let me know what you thought about it, or leave some kudos, or whatever feel right to you!
> 
> I love you all very much, and I hope you all are doing okay. If you find yourself in a similar broken situation, here are some hotlines (unfortunately I only have American ones to give you) : 
> 
> National Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255  
> National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673  
> National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
> 
> If you don't live in America and need someone to talk to, I strongly urge to find a safe place and look up hotlines for your own country. You are not alone <3
> 
> Much love to all of you <3


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